Walking down Belfast's Great Victoria Street today (which is probably the windiest, and the busiest, street in Ireland) during my lunch hour, and all of a sudden I see them. Loads of the fuckers. The professional charity headlockers. They are probably the most annoying dickheads in the world, after Westlife of course.
You know who I mean. The young 'uns who work for Oxfam or Save the Children, who carry clipboards and wear those fluorescent bodywarmer type things, and who Joe Public generally dread to see when they're late getting back to work.
'Hello there, have you ever thought of...'
'No. Fuck off.'
'But you don't even know what...'
'Yes I do, you're gonna ask me to sign up for your charity'.
'Well sir, we ask a small donation...'
'Listen my friend. I'm on the lowest rung of the ladder in the Civil Service. People on the dole earn more than me. I'm lucky if I have my bus fare to work everyday. Where the fuck am I supposed to get the money to give you £15 a month?'
But then I thought I could kill two birds with one stone. When I'm stopped by them now, I sign up for a donation, giving the name of the head honcho in my department (yes, with a little digging, I got his home address) and asking them to send me out the direct debit forms. Not only does that cock get loads of junk mail from every Tom, Dick and Harry, but the melters that stop me in the street don't get their their commission either, because no payment has been settled.
Life is much sweeter when you're devious.
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4 comments:
I think the accepted term for such work dodging cretins is chuggers, short for charity muggers.
In Dublin, where they face still begging competition from the Roma gypsies, the indigenous drunks and that strange woman opposite Trinity with the harp, they try ever more desperate methods to ensnare poor pedestrians.
Cute Chugger to spotty bald fat man:
"Hey gorgeous, can I have a moment with you?"
Etc, etc.
I find gobbing into their mouths as they breath in before starting their pitch to be the best way of shutting them up, personally. But that's only because I've been unable to find my boss's home address.
I agree with JC. I've become really fit over the past few weeks by dodging these charity crowd on Grafton Street. Better than any assault course ..
I go to the museums down in Washington DC about three or four times a year and as soon as you step off the metro train you get assualted by these fuckers near every step you take. This past fall, I get stopped by some guy begging for $$$ for a veterans group. He actually wouldn't let me pass. I had been hit up by these guys all day. I had it. I explained to this gentleman, in no uncertain terms, that I was also a veteran and if he wanted to continue to breath right he would step aside. He did. Smart man. The word must have gotten around because I wasn't bothered the rest of the day.
MP3 players go a long way towards helping avoid the pain in the hole of getting accosted every 30 yards walking through town.
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