Green taxes my hole

Am I the only one that is getting sick and tired of hearing about green issues and global warming?

It's in the paper every fucking day now, and seems to be a particular favourite hobby horse of the beard-stroking, cardigan-wearing, 'hug-a-Muslim' Guardian. I know that it is a serious problem, but what is the point in me cutting down in car usage and electricity when big business just doesn't give a bollix about what it pumps into the air?

My humble opinion: the government is gonna squeeze this green agenda thing for all it is worth, and that can only mean more taxes for the plebs. Look at it this way. The powers that be could turn round and say, 'Right Treason, me old china, we're putting your car tax up by £200 a year and we're slapping 25p on a litre of petrol.' That puts me and a lot of other people off the road. The rich, however, will just shrug their shoulders, pay the extra whack and continue to drive little Timothy 100 yards to the prep school every morning in the gas guzzling Merc. Ordinary Joe Bloggs will be priced off the roads in pretty much the same way he has been priced off the property ladder and out of third-level education.

And what will the government do with that extra money? Spend it on environmental concerns? Fucking sure they won't. It'll end up the way all taxpayers' money does - spent on keeping the lazy workshy bastards sitting on their fucking holes all day long, and paying for people to be in this country who shouldn't be here; and all the while the stupid cunts like myself who actually work for a living get screwed left, right and centre. That's why I see it as my personal, moral obligation to pay as little tax as I can possibly get away with. I get my petrol from over the border. I get my booze at knock down prices. When I smoked, I bought contraband cigs. And I have a wee sideline that brings me in a bit of cash that the taxman doesn't see.

If the government can't spend my money responsibly, then it will see less of it. Cunts.

Overstaying a welcome

Let's pretend.

Let's pretend you invited people round to your house for tea. Let's pretend that these people then proceeded to rearrange your furniture, criticised your choice of curtains or carpets and asked you to change the TV channel because they didn't like the programme that was on, despite the fact that you had been watching it. Then, because you forgot to offer them Jaffa Cakes or put sugar in their tea, they called you all the fuckers under the sun and threatened to smash your windows and burn your house down.

What would you do?

Yes, the same as I would. Your would stick your boot right into their bracket, tell them to fuck off and don't come back.

Why are the simplest things in life so difficult to do?

Safety in the skies

I'm due to go on the big flying tin to Blighty this week, and once again my mind is turned to the issue of safety in our skies, especially when you have the country overrun with the crazy cunts of Islam. Now I know there's not much chance of Abdul Ahmed al-Madfucker blowing up a flight to or from Belfast, but hey, maybe they hate Guinness and soda bread for being 'un-halal' and the black gold of the devil.

So, to assure my piece of mind whilst flying over the Irish Sea I have decided to implement my own safety measure. A bacon sandwich in my hand luggage. Yes, the humble bacon sarnie is enough to throw even the most mentally unstable carpet-kisser into a complete blinder. Must be something to do with the pork. I might even bring a packet of Denny's sausages too, in case there's a few of them. Then, while our would-be hijacker is cowering from the raw banger, I'll get up and stick my size 10 boot full force right into his bollix, and then his throat. He'll meet his virgins in heaven a bit sooner than expected. Cunt.

Muslims. I fucking hate them.

Fuck off home, you whinging cunts

Tory leader David Cameron, forever trying to convince the British public (unsuccessfully) of the bonafides of a political party that is just marginally less corrupt than Fianna Fáil, is now trying to shore up the 'moderate' Muslim vote (if such a thing exists). He has called for an end to the oppression of Muslim women who are prevented from going out to work or attending university.

You bold boy Dave. How dare you interfere with internal Muslim religious affairs, of which you know nothing. How dare you use the word 'crusade', which conjures up memories of Christians battling Muslims centuries ago. Dave was put in his place by Osama Saeed, of the Muslim Association of Britain, who warned that Cameron had devalued his own message. "I think it is extraordinarily sloppy language - which is the most charitable slant I can put on it," he said.

The same extraordinary sloppy language, no doubt, that was used when loads of the carpet-kissing fuckers chanted 'Death to Denmark' and 'Death to America' outside the Danish Embassy in London last year, and burnt their flags; they burnt the Norwegian Embassy to the floor in Beirut last year too, and for why? That's right, Norway committed the unspeakable crime of being Denmark's neighbour to the north. Why is it that they are allowed to criticise Western life, Western values; in fact some of them make it a virtue; while if their religion is subjected to the same treatment, death threats are handed out with more frequency than cocaine in a loyalist drinking den?

I think European governments should start the compulsory deportation of these pains in the hole. And before some bleeding heart PC prick says, 'they were born in this country, blah, blah', let the the Irish football rule apply. Send them back to the country where their parents or grandparents were born. So gather them up, put them on a flight to Riyadh or Islamabad or wherever, and when the plane is flying over the city, open the door and fuck them out. Bungee jumping, no strings attached.

You want sharia law? Six wives? A radio station pumping out the whinging that passes for Koran recitals 24 hours a day? The freedom to turd-punch pre-pubescent boys in the comfort of your own home? No problem. You can have it all in your own fucking country. And this is not it.

Education, education, education

Get a squint at this -

Yes folks, the mad fuckers of the religion of peace strike again. Not content with blowing up planes and squeezing every last drop from the hard-pushed taxpayer, this balloon insists on taking on a County Council to court to allow them to let his daughter wear the full niqab in class. For the benefit of those who don't know (or don't give a fuck), the niqab covers all of the face and this girl's teachers have asked that she not wear it because they won't have a facial indication of whether or not she understands what she is being taught. Seems fair enough to me. But no, her oul lad is determined to waste your money and mine in taking this through one of the highest courts in the land.

With me being a tolerant sort of fella and all that, I think that I have the solution that will lead to a win-win situation for all concerned, including me.

1) This man can pack his bags, and those of his indoctrinated brat, and fuck off back to Pakistan where he came from. In his home country, I am quite sure that his daughter can be educated to the highest standards for their chosen cult, sorry, 'religion';

2) Buckinghamshire County Council would not have to spend taxpayers' money on funding this mother of all court battles, which means I'll probably have a few quid more (not much more - thanks Peter Hain, you cunt) to buy a few bottles of Magners on Friday night and get stoned whilst listening to the Fratellis.