Love is in the air

My mucker Big Pat has just came home from a humping tour of Liverpool. Now Big Pat is a bit of an internet slut. Seriously. He goes on to the chatrooms, sweet-talks the ladies, gets their phone number, melts the panties off them with his thick Belfast brogue, and before you know it he's been on the Easy Jet website and has his next conquest booked. 'Pussy-baiting from the comfort of your own home', as he so articulately refers to his activities. 'Isn't technology wonderful?'

So I picked him up from the airport last night, and asked him how he got on. 'Very well', he replied, 'but one of the birds I went over to see spoiled the moment'.

'What happened?' I enquired.

'Well, she stripped off her clothes, and it ended up she was wearing knickers with the middle part missing', he said.

'I think you'll find they're called crotchless panties', I advised.

'Anyway', he continued, 'she pointed to her blurt and asked if I wanted to lick it. No fucking way am I going near that, said I. Just look what it's done to your knickers!'

Stupid cunt.