As you all know, I want to set up a Department of Cultural Cleansing when I become Taoiseach, and I've been thinking about the ways in which Westlife can be executed live on national television (hosted by Marty Whelan and Gráinne Seoige). Here's what I have so far.
1) They are stripped naked, each tied to a post and smeared in honey in a locked room, then a million wasps are let loose in there.
2) They each have to stick their cock in a ball of mince steak, and four rottweilers are let off their leashes. They'll snuff it from the shock alone.
3) A battle-to-the-death Gladiator style contest in the Point Depot. The last one standing is hole-rimmed to the grave by UTV's Julian Simmons.
4) An old fashioned game of Russian Roulette with unidentified pills.
You gotta help me out here folks. Whoever comes up with the best suggestion gets a seat in the cabinet as Minister for decapitating B-B-Bertie Ahern.
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7 comments:
Send them to that youth HOSTEL in Bratslavia and introduce them to The Doctor.
You're getting close to the prize Brian!
The Algonquin Indians use to strip their enemy captive naked, break every bone in both their hands, cover them in animal blood then leave them in the woods for coyotes or bears or mountain lions to find. If the captive survived the night they were allowed to live, but then their hands were useless.
Oh, I just thing locking them in an airtight box and forcing them to sing at each other til their ears or lungs exploded would suit. On the other hand, how would you enforce such a punishment? They're in an airtight box! They don't care!
How about wiring them up to each other and forcing them to play Trivial Pursuit?
If one gets an answer wrong, another one gets shocked near to death. The shocks get bigger as the game goes on. The questions get harder too, of course, until by the end it will be something like:
Who was the first President of the German Weimar Republic?'
You're forgetting one thing, Dario. The killing of Westlife would be no trivial matter!
I would have never thought that you bloggers could be so ruthlessly violent. I'm impressed!
Sweary, nice to see you back at the Voice of Treason. Always a welcome visitor.
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