The Final Solution

I know that Dario has blogged his arse off about skobies, the new track-suited, Buckfast-fuelled underclass of Ireland. We have a similar problem in West Belfast, with the 'Smickers' as we call them, infesting the place like rats every night of the week with boxes and bags of drink and the subsequent madness that ensues.

So I was interested in this story in the local Andersonstown News on Monday. A reporter and a photographer toured the West last Friday night, and their findings make pretty interesting reading.

Now I am not against drinking. I like a drink myself, and a toke from time to time as you know. But I do everything in moderation, because my job's headmelting enough without having to roll in with an Oliver Reed-size hangover at 9am. Most importantly, I don't impose on other people's rights or freedoms when I do sup a Magners. But the explosion in people in their mid-teens to early thirties drinking on the streets, in all seasons, in this city is fucking crazy. Not everybody does it... but the ones that do are easily identifiable.

* Short hair with a gelled-down fringe (baseball cap optional)
* Thin strip of hair above the lip commonly known as a 'cider-tache'
* Tracksuit, usually Adidas or Kappa
* Gold chunky chain that Del Boy Trotter would be mighty proud of
* Trainers, white, must be of no lesser a brand than Nike or the aforementioned Adidas - otherwise you'll get 'battled'.

Does that sound familar? The men don't look any prettier either.

They stand on main roads, outside taxi depots and chippies until all hours of the morning swigging their cider and tart fuel (WKD - Woman's Kind of Drink), smashing their bottles, leaving their illiterate scrawl everywhere, damaging people's property... so it begs the question - where the fuck do they get the money from? It wouldn't be from the taxes of the very people they are tormenting, would it?

Many people have tried to come up with solutions, and have failed. I think I have the answer... if any of them are prosecuted for any misdemeanour whatsoever, stop their benefits. Cut the flow of the dough, and it will make them think twice about making the lives of the people whom they live amongst a misery. I know it's probably against the Human Rights Act, European Law, blah, blah, but it's much more humane than my first choice of solution, which is to round them up and, while still alive, take out their hearts and kidneys for transplant victims.